The Hidden Costs of People Pleasing at Work
Hello, I’m Alison Zarrow, a former CEO turned executive therapist and professional relationship consultant. Today, I want to delve into a topic that often flies under the radar but has significant implications for our personal and professional lives: the hidden costs of people-pleasing at work.
Understanding People Pleasing
What is People Pleasing?
People pleasing involves prioritizing others’ needs and desires over your own, often at the expense of your well-being. While being helpful and accommodating can seem positive, chronic people pleasing can have detrimental effects on your mental and emotional health.
Characteristics of People Pleasers
People pleasers often:
Struggle to say "no" to others
Seek approval and validation
Avoid conflict at all costs
Neglect their own needs
Read more: Mastering Difficult Conversations: Key Strategies for Success
The Prevalence of People Pleasing
Research indicates that people pleasers are more likely to experience higher levels of stress and burnout (www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/theory-knowledge/201907/the-cost-people-pleasing). This behavior is surprisingly common, particularly in high-pressure environments where maintaining harmony seems paramount.
The Hidden Costs of People Pleasing at Work
Resentment and Conflict at Home
People pleasing doesn’t just affect your professional life—it spills over into your personal life as well. When you continually put others’ needs before your own at work, it can lead to resentment and conflict at home. You might find yourself feeling exhausted and unappreciated, which can strain your relationships with family and friends.
A Cautionary Tale
I once worked with a client, a high-performing executive, who struggled with people pleasing. She was always the first to volunteer for extra projects and rarely took time off. Her colleagues admired her dedication, but at home, she was a different story. Her spouse and children felt neglected, leading to significant tension and conflict. It wasn’t until she recognized the impact of her behavior that she began to set boundaries and prioritize her own needs.
Stress and Burnout
When you’re constantly trying to meet everyone else’s expectations, you neglect your own well-being. According to Psychology Today, people who are chronic people pleasers are more likely to experience higher levels of stress and burnout (www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/theory-knowledge/201907/the-cost-people-pleasing).
As an extension of this discussion, you might also find value in exploring how assertiveness can enhance your career success. (Related Blog 3: Assertiveness - Key Lessons for Career Success)
Personal and Professional Consequences
Neglecting Personal Needs
People pleasers often neglect their own needs, leading to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction in personal relationships. This neglect can manifest as emotional exhaustion, physical health issues, and a sense of unfulfillment. When you say "yes" to others, make sure you are not saying "no" to yourself (www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shrink-wrap/201308/are-you-people-pleaser).
Career Impact
While people pleasing might seem beneficial in the short term, it can hinder your career progression and job satisfaction in the long run. Constantly agreeing to take on extra work can lead to overwhelm and decreased productivity. Moreover, colleagues may start to take your willingness for granted, leading to even more pressure and stress.
For those balancing the dual pressures of managing a business and maintaining mental health, I recommend reading about the specific strategies business owners can use to manage stress and success (Related Blog 7: Therapy for Business Owners: Managing Stress and Success).
Expert Opinions and Quotes
Katie Couric
"You can't please everyone, and you can't make everyone like you." This quote from Katie Couric perfectly encapsulates the futility of trying to please everyone. It’s a reminder that it’s impossible to make everyone happy and that striving to do so can be detrimental to your well-being.
Practical Solutions
Self-Awareness
The first step to overcoming people pleasing is self-awareness. Recognize when and why you feel compelled to please others. Understanding the root cause of this behavior can help you address it more effectively.
Setting Boundaries
Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is essential. Start by identifying your limits and communicating them clearly. It’s okay to say "no" when you’re overwhelmed or when a request doesn’t align with your priorities.
Seeking Help
If you’re struggling to change on your own, consider seeking support from a therapist or executive coach. Professional guidance can provide you with the tools and strategies needed to overcome people pleasing.
Practical Steps
Here are some actionable steps to help you get started:
Prioritize Tasks: Focus on what’s most important and urgent.
Practice Saying "No": Start small by declining minor requests.
Delegate Responsibilities: Share the workload with others when possible.
Implementing these habits can also have a positive impact on your self-esteem. For daily habits that can help boost your self-esteem, refer to (Related Blog 11: Boosting Self-Esteem: Daily Habits for Success).
Conclusion
People pleasing at work can have serious hidden costs, affecting both your personal and professional life. By becoming aware of these tendencies, setting boundaries, and seeking professional help if necessary, you can reclaim your time, energy, and well-being. Remember, you can’t please everyone, and it’s important to prioritize your own needs and happiness.
If you find yourself struggling with people pleasing, I encourage you to take the first step toward change today. Your future self will thank you.
